Speaking and God

This last Sunday I spoke for the first time ever on a Sunday morning before the Jr High. Sure, I've shared my testimony, made announcements, led a little worship, acted in dramas, told stories, spoken on Wednesday nights, led Sunday school classes, and such-- but this was my first time to actually speak on a Sunday morning before a large group. Now, I know- there's nothing magical or outright special about a Sunday morning- God can use a Wednesday night as much as a Sunday School lesson as much as a message on Sunday morning. However, speaking on a Sunday morning feels, I don't know, official. Like I've joined a special club or something. Sunday morning is the typical big message for any church or youth group- and now I had the privilege of giving the big message.
It didn't go great.
The series I've started is called SLOGANIZED!, how slogans affect our lives in more than just our fast food choices. The first week was HAVE IT YOUR WAY, talking about our selfishness and pride and how we like to control our lives, when we should really live lives of surrender and selflessness, praying "Your Will Be Done" and living "Have It God's Way". Honestly, I think the idea rocks like granite. I first came up with it... I guess senior year, and shared it with David. He had another direction, and it didn't happen. But when I got this opportunity to speak, and when I found out I could do my own message, I soon realized what I wanted to talk about. So, the message is solid. It's about how we shouldn't conform to our culture, but be Christ-like. How we shouldn't treat God like an employee, a side order, or forget Him, but we should see ourselves as His servants, His fellow workers, His children, how we should see that He is fully satisfying, He is all we need, and He permeates every aspect of life, and how we should serve Him, follow Him, and glorify Him. How we should be on the guard for the lies in our culture and develop good habits of selflessness and surrender. So as I said, the mssage is solid.
But it didn't go very good.
I was working on it late Saturday night, finishing my PowerPoint, finishing my outline, my thoughts. I knew my overall message was good, but the details were confusing me... I was trying to figure out what stuff I had to leave out, and what stuff I needed to keep. And I made my PowerPoint pretty much the basis of my talk, because I wanted it to be visual and a help to the kids as I talked. And then on Sunday morning, when I uploaded the PowerPoint to the computer, it wouldn't load the font that I had used in 87% of the PowerPoint. So I looked through it, made a couple changes so the words would stay on the slides, and was ready to talk. The computer crashed or froze once or twice while I was talking, which meant that I was without my slides for a little while. And then, when I had them again, the font changes I had made weren't there, because I hadn't saved them. So the tech guys (God bless em!) changed the font sizes and types as I talked. And we had about 2/5 of our typical group size, so it wasn't as big of a group- which meant I couldn't talk at them, I had to talk to them (which is good, but hard). And it was my first time to talk up there with a mic, and so I was trying to walk around and talk but then my voice would falter, I'd kinda do some trembling, and I would have to take a break to breathe. I sometimes looked too much at the slides, sometimes talked too much about one point, sometimes didn't talk enough about one point, didn't put enough focus on Scripture, dragged out the message, went over my time, and more...
It really wasn't my best.
I should have practiced during the week-- using the mic, timing myself, figuring out when to look at the slides, when to look out, when to walk around. I should have made my slides and outline earlier so I could memorize them. I shouldn't have been dependent on my slides- they're good, but I can't depend on technology, cause it can fail. I should have made it more from Scripture, more practical, and more relatable. I should have prayed more, prepared more, practiced more.
It could have been better...

And yet...
When I came to you, brothers, I did not come with eloquence or superior wisdom as I proclaimed to you the testimony about God. For I resolved to know nothing while I was with you except Jesus Christ and him crucified. I came to you in weakness and fear, and with much trembling. My message and my preaching were not with wise and persuasive words, but with a demonstration of the Spirit's power, so that your faith might not rest on men's wisdom, but on God's power.

We do, however, speak a message of wisdom among the mature, but not the wisdom of this age or of the rulers of this age, who are coming to nothing. No, we speak of God's secret wisdom, a wisdom that has been hidden and that God destined for our glory before time began.

We have not received the spirit of the world but the Spirit who is from God, that we may understand what God has freely given us. This is what we speak, not in words taught us by human wisdom but in words taught by the Spirit, expressing spiritual truths in spiritual words.

I need to be sure and make sure to be sure that I am resting fully on Christ and Him crucified. Let His sacrificial life be the example. I must be honest, and share my testimony of what God has done in my life. I must listen to God and speak His words. In the end, my fear and weakness and trembling didn't stop God. He spoke what He needed to speak, touched the hearts of students, and used me along the way. Man, it's encouraging to know that my eloquence isn't the main strength of a message- it's my focus on Christ and what He's done. Yes, I do need to do my best. But in the end, it's Him. It's not me. It's Him.